by Colette Bouchez
For some of us, getting back in the groove may take a '
while. It might even require hormones, devices, sex drugs,
or sometimes psychotherapy in order to get our mojo
working the way it was before. Just as often, however,
the smallest changes in areas of our life we don't even
connect with sex - like diet, exercise, even getting
enough sleep - can make the biggest difference in
how we feel about making love.
What can also help is giving yourself permission to not
want to make love for a while -and not feel guilty about it.
Sometimes, taking the focus off the idea that you're
not having sex - and instead focusing on other ways
in which your life is moving forward - may be all the
physiological and psychological encouragement you
need to get your desires back on track.
Of course sexual fulfillment and even excitement
is a very personal and different experience for every
woman, so unfortunately there is no one formula
that works for every woman.
However there are some factors involved in the ability
to enjoy sex that are universal - and can have a similar impact on most women. While I'm certain that given some time and thought you'll discover
what works best for you, here's a few ideas you might try to get your passions off and running for the second half of your life.
Menopause Sex Helper # 1: Take a Nap
Although right off the bat this suggestion doesn't exactly sound sexy or romantic, experts say that fatigue is the number one killer of great romance, not to mention terrific sex. Because night sweats and hot flashes may be keeping you awake at night, don't be ashamed to steal away for a cozy nap any time you get the chance - 30 minutes after dinner, or an hour on a weekend afternoon. If you arrange for a rendezvous' with your partner upon waking, you may be surprised to discover how attuned you have become to what may have been "hidden" sexual desires.
Menopause Sex Helper # 2 : Eat Your Vegetables
In addition to whatever foods you eat to give your sex life an added kick, eating healthy, and getting at least the minimal daily vitamin requirements, can help keep your hormones in balance, as well as help you to feel better overeall. Indeed, studies show that when basic vitamin and nutrient requirements are met, hormones do function better, making you less likely to feel the "bumps" in your perimenopause road as easily or as often. Finally, try eating six small meals a day rather than three large ones. This can help keep blood sugar stable which not only increases your energy level, but also can improve your mood and your desires.
Menopause Sex Helper # 3 : Quit smoking
You know it's bad for your cardiovascular and lung health - but did you know that smoking can also put a damper on your sex life? In studies conducted on perimenopausal and menopausal women, doctors found that smoking as little as one pack a day had a greater ability to decrease sexual function in women than the hormonal changes of menopause. Smoking is also linked to a decrease in estrogen, which can impact sexual response and vaginal sensitivity. The good news: Just months after quitting smoking you can see an appreciable change in your health - including a possible increase in hormone production linked to sexual function.
Menopause Sex Helper # 4: Take Time To Relax
Whether it's curling up with a great book, planting petunias in your garden, listening to music, or taking a pottery class, do whatever it takes to help you relax, and watch for the benefits to show up in the bedroom! Studies show that stress can be the number one thief of sexual satisfaction, and, some experts say it can put a real damper on desire. The link involves an entire cascade of hormonal activity that is set in motion by your response to stress. Once it starts, it can impact a variety of physiological functions, not the least of which is mood - and desire. But it doesn't stop there. According to sex expert Dr. Laura Berman, even if you have the desire to make love, being under stress can inhibit both your ability to become aroused and to reach orgasm. So . . . relax now and then, and take a few deep breaths - and you might be surprised at how much better you feel about making love.
Menopause Sex Helper # 5: Buy New Shoes . . .
…or get a new hairdo or change your color, go for a make-over, get a facial, even lose a few pounds. Anything you can do to feel better about yourself IS going to make you feel better about relating to your partner, not just in the bedroom, but in ALL the rooms of your life! Certainly there are important physiological reasons why sex may not be on the top of your list during this time of your life. Sometimes, however, how we feel about ourselves, and even how we view the idea of aging itself, can greatly influence how we feel about having sex and even influence what we think about our own sexuality. Doing whatever you can to enhance your self image - in your own eyes- often translates into feeling better about your partner, your relationship, and ultimately your sexuality and your sensuality.
